Black Silk Red Roses
by aNaki
Summary: First Fansub. Shuichi Point of view & follows the anime closely. Black Silk Red Roses the two don't fit together, but there is always hope but only with a strange twist of fate. I hope you all will enjoy it!
1. Walking in the Rain

Chapter 1: Walking in the rain  
  
"Every time I look at you,  
You pretend to not care to look my way.  
Every time I speak to you,  
You brush me off with cold shoulders.  
Watashi baka desu, ne?  
My heart won't listen to my mind.  
I want to forget you...  
I wish we never met...  
Why...  
Why...  
If this is what you call love, then I don't need it  
anymore..."  
  
"What do you think Hiro?" "Mmmm....sounds ok..." he replied hesitatingly. "WHAT!!! I stayed up all night thing about these lyrics!" I said. "I said they are ok, I didn't say they stink or anything, just need some tweaking. Remember Shuichi, we need a new song for the concert coming up this week!" "Yeah, yeah don't worry about it. It's 6:00 p.m. already!?! I need to go home early to see Yuki." I replied. "Hey Shuichi...these lyrics...they sound very personal. Is...Yuki still treating you badly?" Hiro muttered. "What? Oh...well, umm all I can say is...it's a se-cret." I half-jokingly replied, sort of shocked that Hiro could picked it up. "Ok Hiro I got to run and see my man so I'll talk to you later bye-bye ^__^!!" I shouted as I ran out of the recording studio. "Is...Yuki still treating you badly?" I thought things would changed after the Tokyo Music Fest, but Yuki's still been treating me the same way as he always been, sometimes even worse. I thought...maybe...that's how he shows that he cares about me. It's an awkward way to show that he wants me, [Or playing hard to get!]. Even now when I look at the couples on the streets holding hands, smiling, and laughing; *sigh*, Yuki and I we can never do that...together. It's not normal for two guys to hold hands, or share the same bed. When I think about that...I feel so alone. Every time Yuki and I have a chance to walk on the streets together, we can never hold each others hands, as much as I want to do so; I don't know how Yuki would feel about it. I would guess he'd object strongly. "Baka desu..." I'm such a FOOL!!! Why won't I grow up? Warm tears flowed down my cheeks, I quickly lowered my head, I didn't want anyone to see me...boys don't cry. "Hold it in Shuichi" I told myself, "hold it in, almost there". The pedestrian light turn green, I walked across the street very quickly...soon I found myself running. Tears still streaming down my face, I didn't know where I was running to nor did I care...I wanted to get away, far away. I thought to myself if you can't stop crying, at least maybe, just maybe the pain inside my heart would subside. "Oh my!" the old lady shouted. "Hey! Watch where you're going!" shouted a guy.  
I couldn't stop to say sorry, I had to keep running. My eyes were soon burning, and I feel the warm tears on my chapped lips, but then on my face I felt a something wet and cold drip on my face, then several more pressured my face. I looked up not even noticing before the gray sky. I looked around, and found out I was at the park...the park where Yuki and I first met. The sound of the falling rain made my head throb with pain. I clenched my fist, trying to remember that day... I remember those deep yellow eyes, and that blonde hair flowing in the wind. It was the first time hearing his bold seductive voice, I feel in love with him them, not even knowing what his name is, or how old he is...  
  
(flashback) [ "Is this your writing" he said.  
"Ah...yes." I managed to mutter.  
"You're worse than an elementary student. You shouldn't try to write love songs with your lack of skills." He said coolly. He threw the paper I had my lyrics song over his should and nonchalantly walked up to me and puff his cigarette smoke in my face, and said, "You have no talent. Give it up." ] ...that really hurt my feelings back then. I try to find him to make him apologize for what he said. But what I really wanted was to see him again.  
  
"Yuki...why..." I whispered to myself, letting myself collapsing to the cobblestone ground. I wanted to hate him... but I couldn't as much as I want to be angry at him, I couldn't do it. Kneeling there for about fifteen minutes, soaking wet I came to my senses. I couldn't even feel the tears coming out of my eyes and streaming down my face. The wind blew over my damp body, but I didn't feel cold; I was so numb. I slowly started walking, my knees dirtied by the dirt that has washed down on the cobblestone path. In my head all I can hear myself asking, "Why?"  
I trod down the street on which Yuki's place was, I couldn't call it home, I knew that if I did something that upsets him I'd be kicked out, I was scared that I would be too attached...to call it my home. I open the front glass door and felt a gush of warm air hitting my face and the front of my body. I kept walking to Yuki's apartment door, I put the bronze key into the keyhole...I stood there with my hand on the key and my other hand on the doorknob and staring at the door. When I decided to turn the doorknob it suddenly swung open and there...stood Yuki. 


	2. Chapter 2: Redemption

Chapter 2:

I didn't want to look up into those yellow eyes, I had no right to. I soon feel my eyes are starting to water again. We both stood there, not a slight move...it seemed like forever. Alas...he was the first one to move gently pushing my left shoulder with his arm. As he walked down the dim red corridor I was still at the door step standing the same position. I'd never expect him to say hi to me or even acknowledge that I was there, and yet I still don't understand...him still letting me stay at his place if he doesn't want anything to do with me. I slowly walked in the apartment; it's colder than the warm corridor. I closed the door behind me; I didn't bother to lock it.

Cigarettes. The scent of cigarette smokes filled the room, it disgusts me every time I smell it, as much as I wanted him, asked him to quit he wouldn't listen. I looked around the empty living room, it was dark and unfriendly. Everyday I come here it seems more harsh and insensitive. I wanted it like it was before, when things seemed normal, or what seemed normal to me. I know that is a foolish wish, and I know it would never happen but I can always have hope. Have hope that one day Yuki could smile warmly at me, one day where this place is warm and inviting. I went to take a shower so I wouldn't catch a cold. The water that came out of the shower was much softer than the rain that hit my body in the park. After the shower I felt better, but inside of me when I think about Yuki it still pains me. I put the towel on the rack and step out of the bathroom and looked at the time. 8:00 p.m. Yuki hasn't come back yet.

RRRINGG! RRRINGG!

The phone rang. "Moo...mooshi mooshi" I softly talked into the telephone.

"Mm, Shuichi how are you? I was driving home and I notice you were running and maybe crying while I was driving." Replied K.

"Ooh...K it's you, I was in a hurry to come back home to see Yuki and no I wasn't crying. Why would I be crying?" I lied.

"...Hmm...well I need to talk to you about tomorrow, can you come in early, We are going to record the rest of the album tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. try not to be late and President Tohma wants to speak to you." He said directly.

"Tohma?" I wonder what the President want with me. "Oh ok I'll come in early tomorrow you can count on it!" I try to force my self to chuckle.

"Alright then, I'll leave you get some good nights rest and don't come late, OR ELSE!" He threatened and hanged up.

"Well...I should listen to what he said before he threatens me with his gun again." I said to myself.

I grabbed a blanket and pillow out of the corner closet and place them on the couch and I lied there staring at the ceiling. My head was fuddled with so many things. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and try to go to sleep. I toss and turn all over the couch as hard I tried I couldn't fall asleep. I glanced at the clock 11:34 p.m. I've been tossing and turning for 3 hours and I'm beginning to worry where Yuki went. He never goes out this late. Just as I was about to get up I heard footsteps in the corridor. I froze. The footsteps got louder and louder and seem to stop at the front door. Yuki.

The sound of a key clicking in the key hole and door swung opened. Yuki closed the door behind him and walked up to the couch where I was "sleeping." He didn't spoke, nor did he move...all I can hear is the faint smell of cigarettes on his clothes and hear his light breathing. I wouldn't open my eyes. I felt Yuki footsteps walk away from me and into his bedroom. The door shut behind him, and no noise but the ticking of the clock was heard. And then... I found myself sleeping later on.

RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!

The alarm clock went off. I didn't have the will to wake up nor did I get enough sleep, worrying about Yuki. I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I barley open my eyes nevertheless brush my teeth and get dressed. When I managed to accomplish it all I open the bathroom door and to the side leaned against the wall was Yuki. I stared at him for a minute or so, and vice versa. I managed to utter, "Good morning."

After two minutes or so he still didn't say anything and walked into the bathroom and starts closing the door behind him. At that moment I started to head out the door, Yuki opened the bathroom door and abruptly said, "Hey..." I turned backed shocked that he actually said something to me. "Yes?" I questioned. "Good morning." He said and closed the bathroom door quickly.


	3. Chapter 3: Ephemeral Solice

Deep down inside, I wanted you  
More than anything in the world,  
Even if it is one sided love.  
  
Today, the air was lighter than the past weeks, when I was completely oblivious to Yuki. Instead of taking the train to work today I walked. From now on, I hope I only breathe deeply of this light air, and not suffocated by the dense atmosphere of the past.  
  
"Shuichi!" Hiro yelled out running behind. I turned around, and honestly smiled, and said, "Hey Hiro. Good morning, how are you?" "Mm...a little tired but everything is ok." He replied and yawned. "How are you Shuichi?"  
  
"Oh me, I'm better. Yuki said good morning to me today, I take that as a good sign." I replied. "Really? No Kidding? He said something to you? Wow Shuichi, that's very nice to hear. So I guess you're ready to work hard today right?" He half jokingly asked. "Yeah, yeah I'm in the mood to work today. Let's go before our manager gets all worked about us being late." As I said that we both went into the record company and started to work. After work Hiro asked me if I wanted to go karaoke with him and the rest, but I decided to go home early and cook something for Yuki. "Bye guys!" I said waving to them. I started to walk to the nearest grocery store on the adjacent side of where Yuki place was located. "Hmm... what would Yuki want to eat today?" I thought. Sushi? No... that's not very special. I walked down the isles to get some ideas to what to cook for him. Spaghetti! I'll cook him spaghetti, I never tried but there's a first time for everything.  
  
"That'll be 15.47 Yens" The store cleric said.  
"Here you go." I said and grab the bag and walked out the automatic sliding door. I slowly started to walk to Yuki place hoping that he wasn't home so when he did get home, I can surprise him with the dinner I made. I hope he eats it.  
I got to the apartment and was standing outside and rang the doorbell. A part of me hoped he wasn't home, yet another wanted him to open the door, so I can stare into those deep yellow eyes.  
No one answered the door, I was a little disappointed but open the door and went into the empty kitchen and started to cook. I took everything out of the bag and threw the bag away. I grabbed a medium size pot from the cabinet below and turn on the fire. I took the pot and from the sink I poured water into it and let it sit on the open fire stove. I prepared the spaghetti and the tomato sauce. I thought to myself so good so far. I turned on the radio so I wouldn't feel so alone. :click:  
  
This is Tsusaski Haro, and tonight we will be playing your requests.  
So let's get to it, ' Hello your on J-Pop Station what's your request for tonight?'  
"Hi, I like to hear Glaring Dream by Bad Luck"  
Oh, I personal enjoy that song as well. Bad Luck been quite popular these days, I wonder if it has anything to do with the lead singer of the band and his relationship with the infamous author Yuki. Well anyways here's your request.  
  
[Glaring Dream Playing in the Background]  
  
I gave out a big sigh as I started to stir the spaghetti in the hot boiling water. Why does it matter that Yuki and I are together? I just don't understand it, I just feel so guilty.  
  
"YEEEEOOUCH" I loudly yelped. I was so distracted by what I was thinking I forgot I was cooking and some hot water spatter on my hands. I dropped the chopsticks.  
I started to rub where the water spattered me, it was red and swollen, and it hurts a lot. I crawled over to pick up the chopsticks I dropped. Then I saw two sets of nice polished black shoes walk up to the chopsticks. I picked the chopsticks up and slowly got up and found myself staring in those yellow eyes.  
The pain in my hand didn't hurt anymore, I completely forgot about it. Those cold yellow eyes are so beautiful to stare into.  
"What happened...are you ok?" He softly asked.  
I quickly snapped out of it and said, "Oh, it was nothing really I was just cooking...and some hot water spattered—" before I could finished, Yuki grabbed my hands and looked at wound and started to lick it.  
"Ohh..." I was so shocked at what Yuki was doing.  
"Better now?" he stopped and said.  
"Yes...yes...very much....thank you." I stuttered. He was still holding my hand. His hand was so soft and warm, his cold yellow eyes softened and he let my hand go. And started to stir the spaghetti that I forgot I prepared.  
"I'll do it; you go treat your hand." He said and kept at stirring the pasta.  
I went into the bathroom and started to treat my hand. When I was done, I got out of the bathroom; I looked over to the empty kitchen. I walked into the dining room; it was dimly light by 3 candles on the table and other smaller candle on the surrounding tables. In front of two seats opposite of each other was a beautiful plate of spaghetti with tomato sauce on top. The delicious aroma made me come nearer. Then Yuki came in with a bottle of red wine and placed it on the table.  
"How romantic, Yuki." I said softly. I didn't get a reply, he just sat down on one of the seats and I slowly sat in the other one.  
"I hope.......I hope it suits your taste." He said and started to eat.  
I stared at him for a bit and started to eat. It was more delicious than it looked. Maybe perhaps it was made out of love? No, I'm so foolish jumping to conclusions.  
We didn't speak when we were eating. When we were done eating, we just sat their staring at our empty plates.  
"I'll clean up, you go shower and get ready for bed." Yuki said and grabbed the plates.  
"No Yuki, it's only fair if I do the dishes you cooked." I said grabbing his arm. He stopped and looked at me for a moment and walked into the kitchen. I heard the water turn on, and I went into the bathroom and stepped into the shower and turn the water on. "Why is Yuki being so nice to me today?" I thought. I should be grateful and not think of these things, but I can't help but wonder why.  
I got of the shower and wiped myself with the towel. I got of the shower with my boxers on and Yuki stared at me.  
"Shuichi...Would you...could you sleep me tonight?" He quietly asked and looked down.  
"....Yuki." I whispered. I was so shocked that he asked me that. Was it true, did Yuki really ask me that? "...I'd love to." I finally replied.  
Yuki gave a small smile and stepped into his room. It was so long ago that I saw his smile. I felt like I was about to explode, I'm so happy, thanks to Yuki.  
  
I walked into Yuki room, and notice that he's already in bed with his right arm over his eyes. I suddenly realize I was only in my boxers. I blushed and quickly thought I should go to my room and put on more clothes.  
"Shuichi, why are you taking so long?" Yuki said without moving his arm from his eyes.  
So I decided that it's ok for today and slip in bed.  
"Good night Yuki." I whispered in his ears.  
"Mm..." He muttered. He suddenly turned and faced me. His eyes were still closed and I looked at him. I took a deep breath; I couldn't smell the cigarette odor on his clothes. He smelled so good. Here I am lying in bed with the man I love, yes love. And it feels very good.  
  
"Last request for tonight, Sore ga ai deshou  
...because I have you, because I have tomorrow  
Because I can't live on all alone  
I feel you so close by me, I guess that's love  
Because you know how much pain tears can bring  
I want to find a smile in your transparent eyes  
As I search for a definite meaning in them..." 


	4. Chapter 4: Euphoria

Chapter Four: Euphoria

_"Euphoria only exists in my dreams"_

1:30 a.m. the digital clocked said when I looked at it. Man, I haven't fell asleep yet. I glanced over to my right and see Yuki soundly asleep. Here I was lying on the mattress next to the guy I've admire for so long. I glanced at his body and face. His left hand covered his eyes. It was a still night. I couldn't hear the crickets, the gentle wind, but only Yuki's breath. Something inside me pushes me closer to him. I couldn't take it anymore, I finally gave in and moved a bit closer to Yuki. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted him. I wanted him bad. I slip closer, the tip of my nose touched his. I tilt my head and slowly approach his lush lips. I could feel his breath amongst my lips. I can hear his exhale and inhales. I breathe into his mouth while he breathe into mines. I smelled his breath, minty and inviting.

All the sudden he grunted and shifted positions. I quickly withdrew back and gave a smile. The way he appeared to me was like and innocent boy dozing off. The fury inside me slowly resides and I slip back into my side of the bed and turn to look at him for the last time and turn away and fell asleep.

When I finally woke up, I looked over to clock 5:30 a.m., I knew I'm not getting much sleep today. I looked over to the other side of the bed, it was empty. Where did Yuki go so early in the morning? I left the bed and went in search for Yuki. He wasn't in the living room. dining room, or even the kitchen and the bathroom. Where would he be? I went out in the hallways and onto the streets to see if he's sitting on the stoops or walked in the park. He wasn't on the stoop so I went to the park, I searched for a good fifteen minutes and no sign of Yuki. I decided to back to his apartment. I trudge along and I as was walking up the stairs I looked up at the roof, Yuki. I ran down the end of the hall and ran up the 10 flights of stairs. When I finally reached the top I paused, and slightly open the door and peered to what it seems like Yuki sitting in the corner in a fetal position. My whole body slumped, but my heart was beating fast, I didn't know if was running up those stairs or seeing Yuki. I couldn't budge my self to go to him.

" Yuki...what's wrong?" I whispered to myself, I knew I won't get an answer. There was a swift breeze, I felt it brushing my face. Yuki lifted his head up and I thought I saw tears but I might be wrong, it was still to dark to notice anything. I'm a coward, why can't I approach him? Suddenly Yuki got up and started to walk towards the door. Oh No! What should I do? Should I hide or run down the stairs? I decided quickly to run down the stairs, when I could easily hid. When I reach what was like the 8th floor I could hear Yuki's footstep slowly walking down. I ran down faster, when I reach the bottom and I quickly ran into Yuki's apartment and into his bed. I was frantically panting. Five minutes later I hear the door open, Yuki came into the bedroom and plop himself down in the bed. I tried to stay as still as possible, and closed my eyes pretending to be asleep, no trying to be asleep. I felt something touch my hair. Yuki put his hand through my hair, weaving back and forth. The motion and the feeling calmed me, I relaxed and my heart was beating at it's normal pace. After a couple minutes, Yuki leaned over me, and whispered something in my right ear.

"I'm sorry"

He went back to his side of the bed and stayed there. I didn't know what he was sorry for, my fear of knowing overcame my curiosity. I didn't want to know what he meant, everything is perfect...just perfect...I want it to stay like this forever...always.

"_Shuichi_"

"_Shuichi"_

_ Mmm..._Is someone calling my name? I slowly open my eyes, and again those deep yellow eyes stared at me.

"Wake up, your going to be late for work. Go wash up." Yuki said and threw a towel at me. It hit my face, I took it and put over my shoulder. I looked at Yuki, When I saw him on the roof, him weaving his hand through my hair is it all a dream? It's like he's changing, but I don't know why.

I got out of the bathroom, and there were pancakes ready for me, and Yuki was on his computer, I guess writing his next story. I sat myself and started to eat. Again, we didn't talk to each other, but I'm ok with this silence, it's not a hurtful silence not a awkward silence, and I am fine with that.

"Shuichi..." Yuki said.

I looked over at Yuki. He stopped typing but still staring in the fluorescent laptop screen.

"...can you take some time off of work?" He continue saying.

Now he is look at me. "Why?...and when do you--"

"Taking a trip. It doesn't matter when." he interrupted.

A trip? I wonder where we are going, but I rather not ask. "Ok, I can ask my manager, we can leave tomorrow. How long are we going to be gone for?" I asked.

"A week, Two weeks or so." He replied.

"Ok..." I said and started to eat again. When I was finished I washed everything and got dressed and headed out to work.

"Bye Yuki." I said as I left his apartment. I closed the door behind me and walked out the front door, down the steps and turned right. I crossed the street and I heard my name.

"Shuichi!"

I turned around. It was Yuki. Inside I was happy he was calling my name.

"...Shuichi, do you have any plans for tonight?" Yuki asked me.

"No...I was going to go hom-, I mean back to your place." I said, I still couldn't say home.

"Oh...well I like to...bring you to dinner." He said softly.

"Yes, Yuki I would like that. Thank you." I gracefully smiled and said. I started to walk away from him.

_Who are you? Are you really Yuki? You can't be, no. Why are you being so nice to me?_ I thought. I almost felt teary but I held it in. Yuki, if this is what you become honestly, and perhaps it's not one sided love anymore, But if I give you my love, my heart; please don't break my heart this time...again.

You see? Things are  
Certainly changing  
You see? But here remains  
The unchanged thing  
I've come to believe so  
Because you taught it to me

Everyone walks on  
To meet just one person some day

I must have walked on  
To meet you.

-Ayumi Hamasaki "Close to you"

Author note: Thank you guys for reading! At first the fanfic was a medium for me to get my feelings out, now people are actually enjoying it! Thanks again, I'll try to update whenever inspiration hits.


	5. Chapter 5: Flight

Chapter 5: Flight

--author's comment--

Hi there! Chapter 5 of Black Silk Red Roses, I'm starting to think that the title doesn't have much to do with the story, . Oh well, as least as your enjoying it. Umm...I'm wondering about something, sometime during chapter 6 and 7 I was thinking bout adding a lil' risqué scene between Yuki and Shu, but I don't know. If you guys want it, I'll add it in. Alright enough of me, here's the stoy.

--end comment--

chapter 5:

I grabbed my old suitcase I left in the closet of my room, and started to pack. I still don't know where we are going. Yuki's in the living room writing his novel. He mad a dinner reservation at the Saki at eight. I'm going to dress formal because I think that's a fancy restaurant.

Eight o'clock crept around the corner, so I showered and started to get dressed. I couldn't find a white shirt. I didn't want to bother Yuki, so I went out bathroom topless, I only had my black pants on. I went into my room and looked through my closet and draws. Nothing. Where could it be? AH! I packed it in my suitcase, but it was way in there, I didn't want to mess everything up again. What to do? I wonder if I borrow a shirt from Yuki he wouldn't mind.

I quietly walked into Yuki's room. I didn't look where I was going I was watching if Yuki is still at his desk typing. I turned my head and faced Yuki's room, and walked in and to my left was Yuki.

"Oh hey Yuki, umm...I was wondering if I can uh..." I stumbled to say. There goes my plan, but I was going to ask anyways if I couldn't find his.

"Come here." He said indifferently.

I approached him, and he told me to have my back face him. I didn't know what he was doing, but there was a mirror in front of me. I saw Yuki rumble through the his closet, he grabbed something white out. It was a shirt. He put the hanger back in the closet and unbutton the shirt.

"Arms up." He ordered.

I put my arms up and he slipped the the shirt on. The sleeves nicely sat at the palm of my hand. I smelled like Yuki, not the cigarette stench, but the lovely scent of his body when I slept with him the other day. I was caught by surprise when Yuki put his arms around me. I couldn't help but jump a bit. Yuki hesitated but he grabbed the bottom button and button his shirt up. It was so sensual, I felt his heat, his skin, and his presence, I closed my eyes; I was safe in his embrace. His arms gracefully slide up my chest and buttoned the last one, and he just stood there. I opened my eyes and stared at the mirror. He stared at me and I stared at him at the mirror. He was still hugging me and my arms around his. Suddenly everything felt awkward.

"It's almost eight Yuki, we should get going." I whispered and softly pushing him away.

I went into his car and buckled up and he got in second and started the car. He drove swiftly on the highway. I notice that I didn't tuck in the shirt so I started to and when I was finished we were there.

Yuki got out the car first and I unbuckled and I reach my hands to open the door, but it suddenly opened by itself. I stepped out and saw Yuki holding the door. I felt a little embarrassed he did that. He closed the door and we both walked in the door.

"Welcome to Saki, how may I assist you?" The pretty waitress asked.

"Reservation for Two, the name is Yuki Eiri." Yuki replied. The waitress stared at Yuki for a moment in complete shock it seems. Perhaps she was one of his fans.

"Right here please." She pointed at a table seated for two outside the restaurant, around was lit by rose scented candles. and the moon was dimly glowing in the sky, everything was enclosed in the magnificent black fence that surrounded all the tables and candles.

Yuki sat down on the left and I on the right. A waiter came and gave us our menus and Yuki ordered food for us. I personally didn't mind. I didn't know what to get. When our food started to come, I can feel the delicious aroma. He got himself a nice medium cooked steak with rice and vegetable and he got me chicken alfredo pasta. We started to eat in silence like we usually do. I was halfway done with my meal, and Yuki looked up at me.

"Don't you want to know why I brought you here?" He asked.

I put my my utensil and wiped my mouth and took a sip of water. "Yes" I replied.

There was again a moment of temporary silence.

"We are going to New York, I had to do something there and I also thought that you and I should have some time to spend together. That's what I brought you here to say." He stated and start cutting his steak.

It seems in one sentence all my questions, all the doubtfulness of Yuki's action disappeared. Yuki wanted to spend his time with me, the more he say these little things and do the things he do, I fall more deeply for him time after time.

"Shuichi...I noticed you gotten more mature." Yuki said.

"Oh..." I responded. He was right, I didn't whine and say the foolish things that got him made once before.

After we eaten, Yuki paid and we got into his car. He started to drive, it seemed much longer going home then coming here. The night sky was full of bright and dim stars and the bright full moon on the left. I opened the window a little. I could feel the wind blowing against my face. I looked over at Yuki to see if he minded me opening the window, he was still concentrating at getting home. I again looked at the stars and moon, lost in star fever. I could hear the wind howl, the car was going pretty fast.

I felt a warm hand on my left hand, I snapped out of my moment and looked at Yuki. He was still concentrating on driving but his hands was on mines and he picked up my hands and placed it on the stick and he placed his hand over mines and our fingers interlocked. We went under a tunnel, the lights shone a orange red color. I was so happy, I couldn't hold it in, but I had too, Yuki said I was mature I had to keep it in. Yuki parked in the driveway. Our hands had to part because we had to exit through separate doors. Soon they were again joined as we walked up the stairs. Yuki handed me the keys to open his apartment door. The fluorescent light above flickered on and off, it was telling us that it needs to be fixed. It flicked off so I had a hard time opening the door. Yuki placed his hand on my shoulder and turned me to face him. I stared at him. His yellow eyes. He leaned in. I felt his lips touch mines. I froze and drop the keys, it made a clink sound the re-echoed through the hallway. The light flicked on and off. On and off.

It's on my lips.  
It's in my dreams.  
It's a story told by two.  
You say you want to be happy.  
You've already been so many times.  
What do you want?  
What's lacking?  
Where will you turn?  
Even if you ask,  
I won't have the answer.


	6. Chapter 6: Fate

Chapter 6: Fate

--Author's note--

Hi There! Chapter 6 already! I hope it's getting better and better to read for you guys. Due to popular demand [Clari Chan] I decided to add in the Risqué scene between Yuki and Shuichi but I won't really go profound details. Chapter 6 is a light chapter not a very depressingly sad one, I'll get back on that road a bit later :-P. I'm getting such awesome reviews thanks guy! Ok so when you guys see italics, it's what is in Shuichi's mind, or common statements. Oh Aku is my creation, So don't think it's someone from Gravitation ;-). I have something very cool in store for chapter 7 but won't say anymore. Alright enough of me onto chapter 6.

--end.

Chapter 6: Fate

_Flight 66 is delayed, and Flight 84 is cancelled please go to reservation desk if you have tickets for these flights thank you._

Yuki and I were at the airport waiting to board our flight to go to New York. We sat on the bench staring at the big glass window, outside were airplanes landing and lifting. I was very excited that Yuki and I are going to have some sort of vacation time. Yuki's been much more patience and kinder with me. Perhaps this mature thing does help me :P, hehe. Soon the flight attendants said it was time to board the plane. I gave my ticket to the attendant and went through the tunnel first. Yuki was still behind me, I looked back to hoping Yuki is right behind me, but he seemed so far away in the tunnel, he was still getting his ticket processed. I stopped to wait for him. Yuki soon went through the tunnel and looked at me.

"What's wrong? Why you stopped?" he asked.

"I was waiting for you." I replied. And I turned and started to head for our seats.

It was so nice, FIRST CLASS! Mm... the seats go almost the way back! and so much leg space! OK ok... so I haven't rode first class before so taking advantage of it. It was a pretty long flight, we stopped at San Francisco and then boarded another plane headed towards New York. I've never been in America before, it's so vast and so many people of different ethnic backgrounds. I fell asleep during the flight to New York and when I woke up I had Yuki's jacket around me. I turned to face Yuki and he's asleep. Such an adorable face when he's sleeping. when it came the time to land the plane, Yuki woke up and looked at me and smiled and rubbed his eyes.

When we got off the plane we headed toward the exit, Yuki lead the way because I didn't know where the heck we were going. We almost approached the exit then I thought I heard someone call Yuki's name.

"Yuki!"

"Yuki Eiri!"

Yuki finally heard the mysterious voice and turn around. Then a guy with spiky black hair and brown eyes same height and build as Yuki [He was good looking too ;-)] was panting for air and put his hand on Yuki's shoulder for support, it seem like he would collapse.

"Yuki...I knew it was you." He said. Yuki seem sort of surprised that this person showed up.

"...Aku? why are you here? How did you know I was coming?" Yuki asked.

"Tohma told me. How long are you staying" Aku questioned, He finally seem like he was getting back to normal and let his hand go of Yuki's shoulder and stood upright.

"A week, two weeks or so. Well you didn't have to come and get I was going to see you sometime later this week." Yuki said. They both stared at each other for a moment. Yuki suddenly snapped out of it and looked at me. The way he looked at me was like, "when did you get here?" kind of look.

"Aku this Shuichi." Yuki introduced me. Yuki looked away after he said it. I felt awkward, suddenly I don't think trip is how I thought it would turn out to be.

" Hello Shuichi, My name is Aku Tenshi ! Pink hair? Aren't you adorable!?" He said and ruffled my hair. I was sort of angry he messed my hair up but that's ok. "Well, I brought my car I'll drive you both to your hotels!."

"Aku it's fine we can get a cab." Yuki said.

"No I insist!" Aku happily said. And with that he took Yuki's suitcase and exited through the automatic sliding doors. Yuki followed, and I soon did also. Aku put Yuki's thing in the trunk and looked at me and said.

"When your done putting your things in the trunk close it tight ok kiddo?" He smiled and went in the driver seat. I put my stuff in the trunk and sat in the back behind Yuki. Aku drove, and I looked around. America was not much different from Japan. Just not that crowded. We finally reached our hotel, Aku help us get the things out of the trunk.

"Alrighty you two this is where I leave you, I'll talk to you guys later!" He said and waved and got in his car and drove off.

Yuki and I got out belonging and went into the main room. Yuki got the keys and we went into the elevator. Yuki pressed 'closed door' and then the '9' button. They both lit up one after another and the elevator door closed. The elevator soon moved and it went up slowly. Again awkward silence falls between Yuki and I. When it was at the 6 or 7th floor Yuki turn to me and said.

"I'm sorry, Shuichi...for earlier."

"Oh it's alright nothing to be sorry about." I replied but it wasn't ok, I was hurt he acted that way. The elevator door opened at floor nine and Yuki and I got our luggage and went to our suite number 4093.

When I first walked in it was so magnificent and beautiful I couldn't help but utter "wow." The room was mainly white, white sheets and pillows. but the bed frame was made of mahogany wood. The floor is covered by a lush soft rug, that I wouldn't mind sleeping on. Across from the door, two sets of French doors, that when open gave you a panoramic view of New York City. The bathroom is white with pale baby blue tiles. The tub looks like it never been used before, and looks like it can fit two. There was a lil' mini-bar sitting right of the bathroom. After I toured the place I started to unpack. The day sky is slowly growing darker. The sun is setting. I wanted to change into something comfortable, so I took the white shirt Yuki let me borrow and took off my shirt and put Yuki's shirt on.

After packing I went to look for Yuki, he was on the bed, perhaps he was more jetlagged than me. I went into a mini bar, and looked around for something to make to drink. I found cocoa powder and a hot water dispenser. So I got one of the hotel mugs and made me some. I took a sip of my Hot Cocoa, mm...so warm and yummy :p. I took my mug and push the big white sliding doors and closed them afterwards and looked into the horizon. The sunset was so beautiful. In the distance I could hear the car horns beeping and some birds cawing in the distance, they all seem like a chorus to this NY mood. The wind blew gently but I didn't button Yuki's shirt up so I was getting a little cold. I decided to go in, I was ran out of Hot cocoa anyways. I went into the mini bar and washed the mug and placed it on the counter. I looked around the dim room, the sun's practically not in view anymore. I headed for the bed to try to go to sleep because that seem like the only doable thing. I slowly slid next to Yuki in bed. I put my left hand over my eye and tried to fall asleep. I think around ten or eleven o'clock I finally did.

author's note: **Below is not for people under the age of 13! It includes some sexual yaoi stuff so, this is a warning please skip ahead if you get offended or don't want to read it** --end.

I felt something rubbing on my chest, seems like two sets of fingers. They slowly glided down to my midriffs and danced around my belly button. I forced my tired sleepy eyes to look if it's who I think it was. Yuki. I saw his hand over my stomach I looked at him his eyes were closed, was he still asleep? I didn't mind him touching me. I felt fabric sliding up my legs. It felt cool it soon cover my whole lower body and stopped at my stomach. The white blanket was so soft and felt cool, like it never been touched by a human before. Yuki's hands slowly slid even lower. My face turned red, and as Yuki hands went into my boxers, I couldn't help but moan. I knew what was to come, and I definitely know Yuki's not asleep. Then I saw Yuki, get up unbutton the top part of his shirt. his head floated over my stomach. I closed my eyes, I didn't know why but I did. I felt Yuki's mouth and tongue on my stomach. My face was I could feel was really red. Yuki's hands was still in my boxers. I was burning up, I felt much more hotter, I couldn't feel the cool blanket only the heat from Yuki and me. Inside me my blood seems to be like rushing liquid fire. All my senses were heightening. Yuki leaned over my face and looked at me. His necklace was dangling in front of me, but that didn't really caught my attention more than those yellow seductive eyes. Yuki leaned in on me and force his tongue into my Mouth. My whole body gave up fighting my urge to touch Yuki. Inside I broke I had to have Yuki, I couldn't wait any longer. I helped Yuki unbutton the rest of his shirt and I put my hand over his back. Yuki was still kissing me. I was frantic for air. I couldn't' keep up Yuki, I tried to breathe through my nose but that didn't help me, I had to push Yuki away. I was desperately panting for air. Before not too long my pants and boxers weren't where I thought they were a couple minutes ago. I could see my body and Yuki's in glow of the moon. Romance in any sense of the word is a euphemism to describe this feeling. I'm not in control of my hands anymore. My hands unbuckled Yuki's belt and unzip his pants. Inside me I was RAGING, I got up and I pinned Yuki down on the pillows. both of my hands interlocking his. I kissed him sensuously. My mouth guided it self down to Yuki's neck and down his chest. I could hear Yuki utter a moan, but that gave me more of an incentive to continue. As I reach below his belly button I stopped. I gasped for air, and looked at Yuki and continue my journey. I could feel Yuki moan over and over again. It seem at that moment I only lived to please him and only him. Yuki was squirming around and grasping and clenching the bed sheet in his hands. After hearing Yuki moan even more louder, I stopped. I stared at Yuki. Yuki gave me a gesture to lie down. I did whatever Yuki wanted. Yuki was on top of me He felt very light. Yuki leaned on top of me. I felt Yuki's warm stomach on top of mines and his tongue in my mouth. I felt a sudden pain. I let out a big "ohhh!" Yuki had his way with me. It seems that every bit of Yuki was pure ecstasy, When I closed my eyes, everything seems so light. I feel like I could float. All I could see and feel is Yuki. Yuki grunted even louder. I felt that my body being lifted higher and higher. I closed my eyes and clenched the bed sheets harder. It was so bright, It was getting brighter. I couldn't see Yuki in my mind anymore, I could hear his moans slightly, they were slowly fading. I couldn't hear my self. The light got so bright, It got so bright that at the peak of it, it felt like electricity shot up into my body. My hands let go of the bed pillow. I could hear Yuki and I panting hard. My senses slowly return to normal. Soon I heard the bustling of the city, and the gentle wind. My white heaven in my mind was now black. I just lied there. Panting.

_...Release..._

a.n: muy caliente!

A bright speck in my dark place grew brighter. I opened my eyes and saw the sun peaking over the horizon. I looked over the bed to see if Yuki was silently sleeping. I couldn't find him. I got up and notice I was still naked. I put on my boxers, and got up from the bed and rubbed my eyes. My whole body was aching from yesterday. I noticed that the blanket from yesterday wasn't there anymore. That's weird. I started to head towards the terrace to watch the sunrise. when I got outside I saw Yuki sitting down with the blanket wrapped from head to toe. Yuki looked over at me, and his hand reached out of the bundle and pulled me towards him. Yuki opened up the blanket and and placed me on his lap. Yuki had his pants on. I blushed, Yuki wrapped the blanket around me. Yuki's face nudge near mines. I could feel his embrace around me. In the distant, the birds were cawing and the city was bustling, but here on the terrace everything was still and quiet. With Yuki...I'm home, finally I found my home..._because I have you...because I have tomorrow...I want to find a smile in your transparent eyes...as I search a definite meaning in them..._

Let's go along together  
Looking at the same scenery  
Whatever incidents may be to come  
Don't forget

I will always be by your side  
Though I can do nothing else

On the days of tears and on the days of smile  
I will be by your side

Everyone walks on  
To meet just one person some day

Even if I'm reborn some day  
I will surely find you

And I will walk on again  
To meet you


	7. Chapter 7: Disenchantment

Chapter 7: Disenchantment

Author's Note: Wowwie! Thank you guys for the inspirational reviews and appreciation for my work. To be honest, each story is a first draft, Sometimes I feel like I do a lousy job at some chapters. Black Silk Red Roses doesn't end yet! If you knew me well, I don't believe in a happy ending, eh shouldn't have told you that. If I shatter anyone's hope, I'm sorry! Ok so answering Lynda's question, have I ever experience love? Errr...the only love I think I ever felt is one-sided love. Heh, alrighty so here's the overview about Chapter Seven and the many after it. I'm taking an artistic approach to include some blurbs just words that describes or set the mood of the situation, they will be italicized, so you can tell the difference. One question, do you think I'm dragging this story out too much I mean 7 chapters already? I don't know if I should end it soon or not. I don't want to have a 50 chapter FanFic, Short and influential is what I'm going for but if you guys want more I don't want mind writing more. Blah Blah, alright I'm shutting up go read Chapter 7!

Four days has gone by, and everyday Yuki smiled more, I also have been feeling better about our relationship, and ultimately myself. I wake up every morning and there would always be breakfast served and the shower ready for me. Yuki's pampering me so much, I wish I could do more for him.

Yuki brought me to Chinatown in New York City, it's a place where I guess Asian stores and people congregate. Yuki took me to eat some Chinese Dim-sum on the fifth day of our trip. The service was pretty fast and the food was delicious. He also brought me to American clothes store, The stores has so many good clothing, Yuki brought me around many stores picking out shirts for him and some clothes for me. Some of the People were staring at me, but I didn't know why. Until a little girl pointed at my head and and asked me in English, "Why is your hair pink?" I finally knew that what they were laughing at. Back at home no one barely noticed, but here eyes everywhere gawked at me. Yuki grabbed me by my arm and took me into his car.

"Thank you." I said. Knowing he tried to save myself from embarrassment. I decided later on that night, I'm going to do something about my hair. Yuki brought me back to the hotel and we ate dinner. After dinner before the sun almost set, Yuki asked if I can come out to the terrace. I put everything away and went out to the terrace. Again he was bundled up in the white blanket. I knew the routine. I approached Yuki and he opened up, without me asking. I slipped inside and both of us in silence watch the sun set. It seems that even though the sun seems so much smaller than in Japan, Yuki and I can watch the sunset together, I don't think we ever can in Japan. The next day I snuck out during the afternoon and went to a local hair salon. I told the lady to dye my hair darkish brown. I looked in the mirror, I look so different. I stepped outside of the hair salon and no one was staring at me. In some ways I felt awful that I did that so I wouldn't be gawked at. And yet it was time to let go of the pink hair boy.

_...rebirth..._

Yuki was so shocked when he saw my hair color.

"Shuichi, your hair color...complements your eyes." He said and smiled and took me out the terrace and we both watched the sunset once again.

I felled asleep without knowing when I was out there with Yuki. I woke up and turn around to face the hotel room. The light was on. I heard two sets of voices. I know one of them must be Yuki, who could the other one be? I slide the door a bit to listen and to peak in on who it was. It was Yuki and Aku.

"So Yuki, what's going on?" Aku asked. Aku took out a box of cigarettes and lit one up. He held out the cigarette box out to Yuki and offered. Yuki turned away, at that moment I thought that he might probably did quit smoking, but for me?

"What do you mean?" Yuki asked back.

"Oh come on, don't think I'm stupid. What's up with bringing that pink hair brat here?" Aku questioned.

"His name is Shuichi." Yuki said.

"Yuki, don't tell me you fell in love with your boy toy?" Aku said. And with those words he approached Yuki. He placed his hands over Yuki's head and stared deeply in Yuki's eyes.

"You know...you can never love that boy. So why don't you just give up. I know why you really came here. You wanted to see me, actually to be more specific, you **wanted** **me**." He said and kissed Yuki's lips.

At the moment I was about to burst in and slap Aku. I kept my cool, but my heart wasn't other wise, I could feel tears of disappointment and anger rolling down my cheeks.

"Your right, I...don't...think I can ever love Shuichi." Yuki said.

Those words, hit me so hard in the chest I could of passed out. Yuki...why. Why are you doing this then if you don't love me?. I was caught up in this feeling of anger I couldn't control myself anymore. I pushed the door to the side so hard it could fallen of it's hinge.

"**YUKI WHY?!?!!?!??! AM I REALLY JUST YOUR BOY TOY??!? ANSWER ME!**" I screamed from the top of my lungs. I could hear the other guest in the surrounding area beginning to stir and complain but I didn't care.

_...shattered..._

Yuki didn't say a word, he turned away. I knew this was too good to be true. But yet I fell for it time after time.

"Fine...I'll do you a favor and leave." With those words I took my suit case and my wallet from the counter and approached Yuki. He turned around to look at me, the hate inside me boiled up when I look at him into his cold yellow eyes. I took my right hand and as hard as I could slapped him. I could swear anyone could hear it from the city. Yuki stood in the position for a while I could see my hand print on his face. With those last images I stormed out the hallway. Everything was blurry, from crying so much. I ran to the elevator and press the one button, It lit up and the door closed. I slumped down on the elevator door and cried even more. When it was finally the main floor, the door opened but I didn't have the strength to leave I just sat in the elevator crying.

_...b__roken_...

I finally found the strength to get up and leave, I exited through the main entranced. Barely anyone on the streets or anything opened. I looked at the hotel and looked up at the ninth floor for the last time. I headed out to search for a motel that can stay the night. If not then Central Park would be the other choice. There weren't much cars around, luckily because I wasn't paying much attention to my surrounding, I was just walking getting away from Yuki, from everything. I final found a 24/7 motel and went inside and paid the guy and went to find room number 43. The hallway of the motel, was unwelcoming dark and dingy. The light about the hall way was flickering on and off. I put the key into the keyhole and stood there. Remembering once the lights flickering on and off. I opened the door finally and went in. A twin size bed that seem very hard and unbearable. The flashing motel sign right out my window. I just sat my self in the empty corner, I crawled up in a fetal position and cried. I was so tired of everything, what did I do to deserve this? Soon I cried myself to sleep.

I woke up and found myself still in the fetal position. It was a cold morning. I rubbed my arms to warm myself up. I went into the standing shower stall and turn on the water. I let the water just run. Hoping that it could drain away everything, wash me of the past. I got of the shower and unknowingly I put on Yuki's shirt. I realize I had his shirt when I looked in the mirror. I couldn't stare at myself for long. I went over to the bed and sat there. Didn't sit there long, I was hungry, I was so use to eating the breakfast Yuki prepared in the morning that my body was accustom to eating breakfast whenever I wake up. I decided to go to a store or something in New York and get packaged food.

I went to a 711 or something rather and went to see what I could eat. I couldn't find any good breakfast things to eat so I got chips. I sat out on the curb and ate them. I admit this doesn't compare to the hotel breakfast. I finished up my the whole bag and started to walk around. Again I can't help but think about Yuki. My eyes again were starting to water. I walked around Central Park to try to clear my mind of him. That didn't work it made me think of him more. So much that I think I even hear him calling me sometimes.

_Shuichi!_

_ Shuichi!_

I wiped my eyes. Maybe I'm not hallucinating I think I hear him call my name.

_Shuichi!_

I turned around and I saw Yuki in the distance. My eyes start to swell up with tears again. Inside I honestly didn't want to see him, Or to hear him. I got up and started to run. Run away from him.

_Shuichi Stop!_

I could hear him, I ran faster fearing he would catch up. I bumped into lots of people they all shout and were perturbed. Then I came to an apparent stop, because of the red light. I could hear Yuki yelling my name and coming faster. I didn't want to see him. I wished the light would turn green. A couple of seconds later it did.

_Run_

All I can think about is getting away from Yuki. Another stop light, stopped me from my task. I looked back and Yuki was only a couple of yards away. I was frantic to get away. I ran across the street.

_BEEEP!!!_

_ HOOONK!!_

_ HEY! ARE YOU STUPID!?!_

The cars honked and beeped at me but I kept ahead. I'm almost there, I can reach the other side of the street.

_Freedom_

Suddenly I heard a scream. A Loud honking noise and a loud crash. On my right side of my body I could feel a sharp pain. I closed my eyes. and open them up again, I saw the sky. I closed them and open them again. All I saw was red.

..._Yuki_

_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_ I'll be all right  
Because I can keep busy_

_I'm always hanging on  
Yes, because of the promise you made  
But now, I don't want to cry anymore_

_Because we're far apart  
It seems as though everything has changed  
Even the scent of the breeze that passes me by  
And the crowds of people on the subway_

_It wasn't a mistake, was it?  
All those times we met...everything was suffocating me  
Even now, I just cannot call up those memories  
The warmth of your lips just won't disappear..._

_Because you always push yourself  
You lose sight of what is dear to you  
And now, if there comes a time when you love another  
Just once more, remember that time_

_Someday, I want to smile again  
Like the sun on the day when I met you..._

-_are kara_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

author's note: I hope it wasn't that dramatic of an ending of chapter 7. To be honest I didn't want Yuki to play the bad guy, I love Yuki's character, but he had to be to fit the plot. There's more don't worry, now I just need to think of how to pick up from things from here. I personal love the song "are kara" by Shimokawa Mikuni. I felt if you listen to the song if would fit the story so well. I just re read my story, I have to admit I almost felt teary.


	8. Chapter 8: Rebirth

Chapter 8: Rebirth

a/n: Hiya'll how are you? Mm...I'm ok just keeping you readers happy :D. Any who, I'm surprise no one flame me for getting Shuichi Hurt! But even if so, he's ok :)! Mm...for this chapter Shuichi remains unconscious for pretty much the whole chapter so, I'm going to take some liberty and do an omniscient point of view, unless you guys want to know what a unconscious Shuichi thinks about. Again I can't thank ya'll enough for your reviews. Personal message to Lynda [ Hi! lol, it's cool that your relating to the story on a personal level! I'm flattered. :D.]. Ok onto chapter 8.

_I need updates on his vitals and blood pressure stat!. Quick take him into the ICU [Intensive Care Unit]. Massive blood...110 lbs...Male...._

unnh...distant voices, they sound so far away. It's so bright and blurry I'll close my eyes and when I wake up everything will be...ok.

Yuki sat on the wooden bench, his face buried in his hands. He could hardly believed that this even happened. _It's all my fault, from the very beginning, it was all my fault._ Yuki's guilt was consuming him slowly. He started to apologize for the the little things he could of done for Shuichi. But it's all to late now, Shuichi's life is undetermined now, only time will tell if he will live or die. Yuki couldn't stand being in the hospital and just wait till the decide Shuichi's fate. He stepped out of the hospital and reached into his pockets for a box. The cigarette box was in his right pocket and got out a cigarette and his lighter and lit it and placed it in his mouth. He hesitated to breathe it in, but he didn't care anymore, inhale.

Yuki took his cigarette and stroll the park adjacent to the hospital. Elderly Women with canes and sitting in wheelchairs congregated near the fountain, whispered to each other, about Yuki's handsomeness. Yuki didn't mind them he kept walking around thinking about what to do with himself and puffing his cigarette. he walked around to the other side of the fountain. He saw his distorted reflection in the water. He lowered his left hand into the water and his distorted imaged shattered and barely looked like him anymore. He left the fountain side and walked through the narrow path with Sakura trees on both sides. The branches rustle against each other, giving a sense of not wanting Yuki to be here. The harsh sound of the wind through the leaves and branches threaten Yuki to leave fast, they don't want someone like him to walk under their shade.

Everywhere Yuki went it seemed to be hostile, and no one really cared to ask him what's wrong. The only gawk and whisper to each other. In other words Yuki seemed invisible. He never really notice how lonely he is without Shuichi by his side. That day in the hotel, Yuki did wanted to say something. But his pride got in his way, this wasn't the only time this happened. He sat down across from record company and watched the people walk by minding their own business and the cars zooming past him from every direction. While back at the hospital Shuichi was being operated in, they stopped the bleeding but another problem occurred they had two options either one of them had a consequence, in some since the doctor had total control over Shuichi's fate.

Yuki reminiscence about when he was younger with his senpai. And how that left him scarred, he couldn't tell Shuichi that he loved him. Yuki himself doesn't know for sure he does, since after that traumatic event of his past left him ill with a disease that affected his heart. He couldn't feel emotions such as love or great despair. He hoped that, being near Shuichi and trying to befriend this boy, his heart could be cured. Yuki let out a big sigh, he couldn't just sit around while Shuichi life is on the line. He headed back to the hospital. The hospital paged him, the operation was completed. Yuki felt relieved and yet don't know if Shuichi made it. He wanted to run to the hospital but then again he's nervous about what's to come. When he got in the elevator of the hospital he took a deep breath and pushed the number 3 button. It lit up and the elevator went up 3 stories. The door opened and Yuki went to the ICU wing. He talked the nurse in the cubicle and asked for what room Shuichi can be found in. Room 437 she says. Yuki went up one flight of stairs and walked around searching for room 437. 429...432..435...437, He was outside the door he placed his hand on the handle. Something inside him told him to open it, but he still hesitated he was slightly shaken with nervousness. The door handle turned and the doctor met face to face with Yuki. The doctor stared at Yuki for a while and asked Yuki to follow him to the lounge so he can talk about Shuichi's current condition. They both moderately paced to the lounge area. The doctor got some coffee from the machine and offered and cup to Yuki. Yuki took the coffee and took a small sip and hold it between his thighs with both hands.

The doctor took a big sigh and open out the manila folder and started to speak.

"Well Shuichi is fine now. He's resting now. He lost a blood because of that accident. He had a serious concussion on his cerebral cortex area. There was two options which was non the less easy to take. Shuichi had two options, he can recover in a coma and everything; his vitals and condition would be fine, or...the other difficult option. He was almost paralyzed but luckily the impact of the car didn't damage his backbone too much." The doctor stated.

"What was the other option doctor?" Yuki asked. His fingered was going around the rim of the cup.

" Well...His cerebral cortex was damaged from the accident when he landed on the floor hitting his head very hard. I checked the MRAs and the back of his head where the cerebral cortex was located was bruised and bleeding. I had to make sure that blood clotting didn't occur so I--"

"What was the other consequence!?!?" Yuki asked again even louder, he was grasping the cup even harder.

"Well..." The doctor struggled to say. His pager rang and he looked at Yuki and said, "Yuki, it looks that Shuichi is regaining conscious. You can see for yourself." We went back to room 437. The doctor suggested that I go in first. I open the door and stepped in I saw Shuichi sitting up with wires and tubes attached to his body. Inside me the guilt grew larger it was my fault he's like this. Shuichi was facing the window looking outside at the Sakura trees that disliked Yuki. Yuki stepped closer to the bed and the doctor also inched right behind Yuki. Yuki stared at Shuichi for a while. Shuichi still didn't know there were people in the room. The doctor softly knocked on the wall. Shuichi turned around and was surprised there were people in the room. Shuichi faced was bruised on the right and his left eye was black and blue. Yuki could see the scar that on Shuichi's arms. Yuki felt worse and worse, his guilt was stacking up higher and higher.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor asked and checked the paper at the end of the bed. He started to mark things on the little clipboard.

"I feel a little dizzy but I feel fine. Thank you for asking." Shuichi asked. The doctor looked up at Shuichi and Shuichi smiled at the doctor. The doctor couldn't help but gave a half warm smile. Shuichi looked over at Yuki puzzled at why he was here.

"Yuki...the other option had was ..."

"Shuichi...I'm sorry." Yuki whispered to Shuichi cutting off what the doctor said. Yuki could feel the tears almost swelling up at his eyes.

"...Shuichi...?" Shuichi asked Yuki. Yuki was bothered that Shuichi wasn't angry at him anymore.

"Who's this Shuichi you sorry to? And may I ask who you are?" Shuichi asked and smiled.

_even if one day I wake up finding that I never knew you,_

_Or realizing that you were once the love in my life,_

_I knew I loved you,_

_because the wind whisper it to me,_

_and the canaries sang to me about it every morning._

_Even if one day you still don't love me,_

_at least I know I could let you go_

_because the wind stop whispering_

_and the canaries stop singing_

_soon...the smiling sun that used to shine on us,_

_fades away._


	9. Chapter 9: Dream

Chapter 9: Dream

a/n: HI YA! :) any who, chapter nine is up and ready to be read. Again thanks for you reviews and insights! I think I'll still keep Black Silk Red Roses going, in the the meantime I was thinking of taking on a new project. Want to venture the dark side of human nature and romance. My mind is everywhere! Alrighty chapter nine.

"...Shuichi...it's me Yuki. Yuki Eiri." Yuki said placing his both of his hands on Shuichi's arms.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Eiri but I honestly do not know who you are, or this Shuichi." I said. I don't know who this guy is or what he's talking about. He really does look very much concern about me, I wonder if he might be telling the truth.

"Do you know why you are here? Do you know where your house is?" Yuki asked frantically.

"The doctor said I was in here in an car accident I ran across the street. How foolish of me. My house, I...don't know." I said. This man says he knows me but in my mind I have never seen him ever. I thought that maybe he is telling the truth, that he really did know me when I had my memory. My head started to hurt again and I closed my eyes and clenched my fist.

"Yuki...Shuichi isn't feeling very good, so may you please leave so he can rest?" The doctor suggest and politely show Yuki out the door. The doctor closed the door behind him as he left.

Yuki was stunned he didn't know what to do, how is he going to prove that Shuichi and him knew each other. They never took pictures together or kept any memorabilia of them. All seems hopeless for Yuki. It was all going to fast for him. The world were Shuichi and him used to live in shattered. Shuichi doesn't remember him, but then Yuki decided that no matter what he is going to make Shuichi regain his memory even if it takes a great deal of time, and never returning home to Japan. He called the Japanese embassy when he got back to the hotel and extended his stay for Shuichi and him. Yuki, sat in a chair that sat across from the bed. He reminisced about that night, and the short days that he felt Shuichi's warmth and love. His head started to ache, he took two pills of aspirin and went outside to smoke a cigarette and watch the sunset. Shuichi too in the hospital sat on his bed, his head rested on his arm which was held up by his knees. He stared at the moon and tried to remember who he was or what he was in store for him, and this mysterious Yuki. He didn't know his name, but he decided to call himself Shu, he couldn't take the full name Shuichi because he might not be Shuichi, until he remembers who he was, he will temporarily call him self Shu. Shu stared at moon and thought of how lonely he was in this cold hospital room. All he could hear his the harsh rustling of the Sakura trees and the wind the blew without haste. He then thought that he's not really lonely because somewhere out there, Yuki too is lonely because he lost someone dear to him, _ together_, he thought, _we both can be lonely...together_. Yuki back in his hotel room, took the white blanket into the terrace and sat in the chair and bundled himself up and quietly looked up at the moon, then closing his eyes and imaging Shuichi in his arms. Yuki and Shu woke up the the early rising American Sun and both noticed they slept uncomfortable in the position they were in last night. Yuki got ready to go see Shuichi, and Shu got ready for his morning check up.

Shu's doctor suggested that I take a morning walk to get some fresh air, instead of being cooped up in my room. I smiled at the idea and in my hospital clothes I went out to the adjacent park and went for my walk. Shu doesn't know that Yuki asked the doctor to suggest to Shu to go for a morning walk so Yuki can talk to Shu. Shu walked around the fountain and peered inside. He looked at his face. He took his right hand up to his face and touched it. In his mind he asked himself, _Are you...am I...Shuichi?_ He hoped that his reflection would nod or say yes, but nothing happened. Shu went up the stairs and through narrow path of Sakura trees on both side. The Sakura trees knew what Shu has been through. They sway their branches side to side, and when the wind blew through the branches the trees sound like they were wailing. They showered Shu with their pink leaves, weeping for Shu. Shu doesn't know the tree knows, he took at the sign that the tree were happy to see him, and he walked through the passage, smiling, thinking that the trees were swaying in happiness. Shu doesn't know that Yuki in on the other side of the passage waiting for him. Shu walked slowly to the other side, he didn't want to leave the trees, the trees didn't want to pity Shu anymore so they stop swaying and showering Shu with their leaves. Yuki greeted the surprised Shu with a smile. Shu was shocked that Yuki knew he was coming but then again happy that he was able to bump into Yuki.

"Hi Shuichi, I thought that we could talk for a bit." Yuki said.

"Mr. Eiri..." Shu said.

"Call me Yuki, please." Yuki interrupted.

"Yuki, please don't call me Shuichi, I have no right to be the person you think I am. For now please just call me Shu." Shu said looked away from Yuki and stared at the silent Sakura trees.

"Ok Shu, that's fine with me." Yuki said, sounding disappointed. They both walked to a nearby bench and sat there. They were silent for while, just like they were back then, but this time it wasn't awkward silence for Shu, it was awkward for Yuki.

"Umm...yesterday I decided that...I'm going to help you Shui...Shu try to regain your memory." Yuki said and took a deep breath and sighed.

"Oh....Yuki, I...I don't want to a burden to you." Shu replied, he was shocked at what Yuki said to him.

"Shu, please may I ask you of this favor. Please let me help you regain your memory." Yuki silently pleaded looking straight into Shu's eyes.

"I don't know Yuki. I personally do want to remember who I was, but I fear that I don't I will hurt you greatly. And even I might hurt myself." Shu said.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take." Yuki bravely said.

I stared at Yuki for a minute, something inside me told me to trust him but my brain says otherwise.

"Please I beg of you this." Yuki said.

" Yuki...I think...that your favor is very selfish but yet honorable. I will agree if you promise me this." I said staring at my feet.

"Anything." Yuki said.

" If...I don't regain my memory...Can you then please let me go?" I managed to whisper. My heart was beating fast, very fast I could hear it on this quiet morning.

It seems like five minutes has past and still Yuki hasn't still answered. I decided to take the initiative and looked up at Yuki.

" Can you promise me that Yuki?" I asked again.

Yuki looked into my eyes for a moment Then he turned away.

"I promise" Yuki uttered.

_I miss you, I miss you  
To the point where I hate myself  
I want to cry.. I want to kneel down  
And if only everything didn't happen..  
The memories where I loved you crazily..  
Those memories haunt me  
But I cant hide from this love any longer  
I shouldn't do this  
But I miss you to death_


	10. Chapter 10: If It Is So

Chapter 10: If It Is So

author's note: Chapter 10 already! Trying to update more to keep you all happy! I'm working on my other story, as I'm doing this....I thought about doing a cross over but then that wouldn't make sense so...my new story will have no correlation to this one. I just notice I have two pages of reviews!! Shocking!!! Wow, thank you guys that are constant readers! Alright shutting up here's chapter 10.

"Shu, you seem like you are all betters. Your wounds are healing nicely and you seem to be fit to be able to leave the hospital....Alright I signed you off, you can leave tomorrow." The doctor stated and left Shu's hospital room.

I can leave now? It seems that I've been here for so long, where would I go. Shu took a deep breath and looked out the window and closed his eyes.

_Knock Knock_

Shu opens his eyes and look at the door. Yuki was standing there with two sets of suitcases.

" Hey Shu. I luckily found your belongings in a motel that you were once staying." With those words Yuki set the suitcases on the floor and look up back again at Shu.

"If you have no place to go Shu...I like for you to stay with me." Yuki asked.

Shu was sort of guessed that he was going to ask that. Shu knows that he promised Yuki that he will try to remember about his past. Shu knew he had no where else to go. Shu thought about it for a while and he nodded his head slightly.

"Ok. Thank you" I said.

Yuki smiled and said, " Alright, well I'll come back tomorrow to pick you up and I'll bring you to my place." Yuki took Shu's suitcases with him and looked back and smiled at Shu and closed the door behind him as he left.

I put my head back on my knees and directed my head to the window and closed my eyes again, hoping no one will intrude again. I heard no footsteps or any sign of the wind blowing. It was dead silent, I couldn't help but feel lonely. I told myself to fall asleep because then loneliness and the quietness will fade away. I woke up to what appears to be the sound of rain. I stretched for a while and paused and looked outside in the gray environment. I got up and off my bed and moved to the glass window and slide it and step outside just a little bit so the rain won't hit me as much. I took a deep breath, the smell of rain seem like it was a new smell to me. I lean on the glass door and watch the rain fall.

Mean while back at Yuki's hotel room, Yuki too is watching the rain fall from inside his hotel room. Sitting on his chair, on the table next to him three packs of cigarette boxes and 2 bottles of red wine. Yuki is drowning himself in his own guilt and also fearing if he doesn't try hard enough to make Shu remember, He has to keep his promise of letting Shu go. Yuki took the wine bottle disregarding the glass that had already had some wine in it. Yuki forced the wine down his throat. The alcohol seems to sear his esophagus, soon when the pain was just too unbearable, with all his might he threw the wine glass at the glass sliding door. The glass bottle shattered and red wine went everywhere. Then memories of Shuichi's accident started to come back in his head. Yuki closes his eyes and shaking it hard trying to forget that moment. He open his eyes again and stared at the red stained carpets, it was like blood to him. _ It's your fault....guilty_...his mind seems to say to him.

"**NO!!!**"

"**NOOO!!!!!**"

Yuki found himself, standing, panting, and desperate for air. Yuki's senses were shot. He went into the bathroom and went into the shower and turn on the cold water and he just stood in there. The water was warm then it got very cold. The cold water hit Yuki's skin like pins, slowly Yuki fell into a fetal position, his head between his knees, facing downward and all he cold feel is the cold water, all he can hear is himself crying.

..._left in the rain._

Shu felt that somewhere in the distance, Yuki is probably thinking about him. Even if it makes Yuki sad, Shu knows that Yuki won't stop thinking about this Shuichi. Shu thought about it for a while and couldn't help be a little bit envious of this, Shuichi. Shu smirked at the thought that he got jealous over something like this. He doesn't even know Yuki or this Shuichi. Even though Yuki was so persistent that I was his Shuichi, and there could be a chance that I am Shuichi I highly doubt that could be true. I believe that if Yuki really loves this Shuichi, then why would Shuichi get into an accident because of Yuki? Or even that if the statement, "Love can conquer all" is really true than, even if Shuichi have lost his memory like I did, should at least feel like he has a small bond with Yuki after the accident. I got on my bed again and stared all around. I'm the caged bird, because I'm ill, because I can't be outside in the rain. With this thought I fell asleep again.

I woke up with the sun shining and to the sound of a gentle knock on my door. The door opened and Yuki stood there he looked at me for awhile and smiled.

"The doctor said you can take leave today. You don't have to be cooped up here anymore" Yuki said still smiling.

"Oh...really?" I asked. I felt relieved I don't have to stay here anymore.

Yuki nodded and gestured his hand to ask me to follow him.

_ freedom..._

I followed Yuki outside and I waved to the doctor that took care of me and then I left with Yuki through the double sliding doors. He lead me to his black car, It looked really sleek and expensive. He opened the door for me and I bowed to him slightly to thank him and got in and closed the door. Yuki walked around the back of the car and open his door and got in. He looked at me and started to lean over me. I was about to push him away when he took the seatbelt and insert it for me. I felt foolish that I thought he was going to do something to me. He put his on and look at me and smiled and started the car and headed for his hotel.

When we got drove around the center fountain thing I looked up to the grandeur of the hotel. It was so big and beautiful. Yuki opened my door again. I searched for the seatbelt thing and struggled to get it to open. I felt a presence over me and I saw two sets of hand easily unbuckle the seatbelt with ease.

"Thank you." I whispered to him in his ear.

He only smiled and started walking towards the hotel. I got out of the car and it gave a sudden beep sound that startled me and I started to walk faster to catch up with Yuki. Everybody was looking at me. Then I noticed that I didn't change into normal attire, I still had my hospital clothes on. My face was flushed with red I could feel it. It seems like this is the first time I've ever been embarrassed of myself. We got in the elevator and he pressed the button and it lit up and the door closed afterwards. It was still the only sound was the whirring of the pulleys and the little bell that signifies each level passing. We finally reached the floor where Yuki's apartment was. He opened the door and I was so shocked by the magnificence and beauty of the room. The terrace, the bathroom and the little bar it was all to much glamour and so different from the hospital room. I noticed that it had only one bed.

"Ummm...Yuki, there is only one bed...I--"

"It's fine, I can sleep on the floor." Yuki interrupted me and went into the closet and pulled out a sleeping bag and lay it on the left side of the bed.

I personally felt guilty that he's going to sleep on the floor but I just so captured by all the beauty and glamour, it faded away. Yuki went into the bathroom and I sat on the bed still admiring the room. He came out shortly and opened up the sleeping bag and fit himself in.

"I'm tired, I didn't get much sleep yesterday so don't mind me." Yuki said and closed his eye and turned to his right side and soon feel asleep.

I was still sitting in the room, now I was looking outside the window, the view was so different from my, the ambience and the atmosphere was totally different. I took a deep breath. The air smelled different also. I decided that I should go get some rest too because I didn't get much sleep yesterday. So I slowly and quietly crawled into Yuki's bed and pulled the white blanket on myself. The white blanket felt strangely comfortable and warm. I too soon fell asleep.

It was around 8:45 p.m. eastern time and Shu was still asleep and Yuki woke up. Yuki woke up and look at Shu. Yuki recognize the familiar innocence in Shu's sleep. Yuki softly sat on the bed and brushed Shu's dyed brown hair. Shu was still sleeping, he doesn't know Yuki was beside him and touching his hair. Shu suddenly flinched as a water droplet hit his face but he was still asleep. Yuki was crying, he knows that Shuichi is right here physically but, Shu's feelings aren't here for Yuki,_...one sided love._ That's how it's going to be, until Yuki let's Shu go.

"_...Shuichi._"

i_f I smile and don't believe  
soon I know I'll wake from this dream  
don't try to fix me I'm not broken  
hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide  
don't cry  
  
suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
hello I'm still here  
All that's left of yesterday_


	11. Chapter 11: A Caged Bird Secret

a/n: hey there people. Sorry for the long delay I've been busy, very busy. Hmm… I hope I didn't keep you guys waiting for a long time! Ok so I'm sort of experiencing a writers block, I know how to end the story and I have some good plot here and there to build up to the end but…then I don't want to drag it out very long…I'm thinking to stop around 20 chapters…sounds fair? Also please remember about my made up character Aku he's going to come back into the story. Alright so here is the anticipated chapter 11. Ja ne.

The caged bird secret

It's been about a week or so that I've settled in with Yuki. He is a genuinely generous and kind person. About the third week, he decided that the hotel room was too much. So he got an apartment rather a hotel room. For the next week we packed our things and moved to his new apartment. It was a nice place not too big, and yet not too small for the two of us. I had my own room and a closet too; it was opposite to Yuki's. My room was pretty empty because I barely had anything of my own. The only belonging that supposedly is mine, are the suitcases that Shuichi left at the motel. I didn't open them I fear that I wouldn't like what I will find; even the fact that I might invade someone's privacy is on my mind also. The whole apartment was being to grow on me, I gotten used to the white chipped paint on the single window in my room, which I stare outside often into the cobblestone alley with an old fashioned lantern set on the left side of the street, it was so simple and beautiful. Every night Yuki either cook or bring home takeout. Sometimes by chance I catch Yuki through my white panel window late at night smoking a cigarette staring up at the evening sky. I have to admit Yuki is a good looking guy; he's tall and so posed. Shuichi must be very lucky to have someone like him. I know what he's thinking about when he looks up into the night sky but I rather mind my own business.

One day I was lucky to catch Yuki once again smoking his cigarette down on the cobble street alley. I rested my elbow on the ledge of the window and place my head in my hand admiring him. I soon realize what I was doing; I shouldn't be idolizing someone else's soul mate. Yuki glanced over to my window and it was a second stare back and forth and I quickly hid behind the curtains hands on my chest my face was flushed…_why…_ I hope he didn't see me at the window, but highly unlikely. I knew my attitude and feelings for Yuki are starting to change. I secretly hope that Yuki doesn't catch on soon, that would be very embarrassing. Later that night I went back to my window and peered outside for any sign of him. He wasn't there, I felt a bit disappointed. I looked straight across to see the city skyline. The lights were so vivid and bright. I thought about a lot stuff that's going through my head. I try really hard to recall a memory of any sort of my past, to solidify that I am Shuichi or even…to know who I am. But every time I try…my head aches, it was very frustrating. The distant city lights were growing dull as my head aches more. It seems if my vision was blurring all the lights were blending together and all I see are big blobs of color everywhere. I closed my eyes for a minute. My head was still pounding with pain…_why does this always happen when I try to remember..._I open my eyes to find myself in tears. I don't know if it's from the pain or from the frustration of not being able to remember, but I know I don't like to cry to ever feel this pain again. Not wanting to cry or even being in pain hesitate me from trying to recall memories.

Day by day as I walk around the house sometimes bumping into Yuki, I greet him and give a faint smile and he just looks at me for sometime and nods and goes with his business. This house was more silent and colder than the hospital room, even though I have Yuki here…sometimes…I just wish-I wish this feeling of loneliness would stop…I just wish…to be held.

_"In your arms…I'm reborn."_

The only place I feel warmth and a sense of belonging is the single window in my room. Everyday I look out and hope a glimpse of my past would show up right outside. I know it sounded childish but I have nothing to loose in believing. Sometimes again I see Yuki outside leaning against the lantern smoking a cigarette looking up into the sky. Every time I see him like that it makes me feel so sad inside. Not only because I know he's missing someone whom he loves but…that I can never, have Yuki, his heart doesn't belong to me but to Shuichi. The more I think about it the more jealous I grew of someone whom I haven't ever met or could be me.

Yuki put out his cigarette and deposited in the barrel and walked into the apartment by the back door. I could hear his footsteps coming up the stairs. I bid farewell to my window and lie on my bed listening to him walking. I closed my eyes; I secretly wished that when I open my eyes Yuki would be in front of me. I heard Yuki's footsteps fading away in the distance, my heart sank. I knew my wish didn't come true; all this wishful thinking is bad I should be thinking so idealistically. I sighed and slowly opening my eyes. For a minute I just stared at the white ceiling. I started to smell a faint scent of cigarettes emanating from the door, I look over and there stood Yuki. I slowly got up and sat on the edge of the bed. My eyes met Yuki. His eyes were wet, soft and inviting. They look like puppy eyes that are irresistible. I want to say, "I wanted to be with you!" "Yuki, may you please hold me?" Just to say something to show how I really feel; how I really wanted Yuki. When I was about to boldly ask him, he walked forth to me and smiled and stood right in front of me.

He leaned over and whispered in my ears, "Good night."

That voice I want to hear by my side the smell of cigarettes and cologne…suddenly my head starts to hurt and a white flash went off in my head. Then I saw fast flashes of pictures in my head of Yuki and someone else. I closed my eyes; I still see the flashing pictures and hearing voices in my head. My head was hurting more than ever. Why!?!?! I'm not trying to remember why my head feels like it's ready to explode!?!?!?

"Shu are you ok?" I heard Yuki saying.

His voice blended in the chaos in my head my ears are filled with scattered voices head with pictures and aching more and more.

"YUKI!!!!" I heard myself shouting. I was panting and crying. I try to open my eyes and the tears blurred my vision. My arms felt warm, like soft and inviting warmth. I found my self hugging Yuki. The pictures were still flashing and the voices were still in my head. I felt Yuki's arm embracing me slowly. The pictures slowly stop flashing and the voices started to fade. My head slowly stops pounding. All I can feel Yuki's warmth very well now. I didn't know what to say or what I could do next. All I could now is cry.


	12. Chapter 12: Evanescence

Chapter 12: Evanescensce

a/n: Hey guys sorry for the long hiatus I had so much going on in my life I couldn't even keep track of time. Well here's chapter twelve! I had a hard time coming up with plots and such. Hopefully I still got it! All right I'm shutting up. Ja Ne.

"Hmmm… It seems to me here that Shu is starting to regain his memory, that would explain the severe migraine and the flashing images he sees." The doctor stated still keeping his eyes locked on his clipboard.

The doctor continued, "It seemed like high level of stress and mental fatigue is to blame. Is anything bothering you Shu?"

"Me? No nothing from what I usually think about." I replied.

"…Right." The doctor skeptically retorted.

"Doctor does Shu have to stay overnight at the hospital?" Yuki asked. Yuki face genuinely expressed that he was concerned about. I couldn't help but force a small smile.

"No, that's not necessary. He just needs some rest and to take it easy in the head. But…there is something I need to talk to Shu in private about." The Doctored said to Yuki.

Yuki understanding that it was a matter that doesn't concern him slightly bowed and took his place outside. I was beginning to get worried that it's going to be bad news.

The doctor made sure that the door was finally shut and that it was just Shu and him in the room that he begun to talk.

"Shu….you starting to remember might cause some issues with your current mindset. When the car hit you it caused blood clots and cerebral hemorrhage in your central lobe. That would explain the amnesia, but now that perhaps you're slowly starting to heal that part of your brain that was affected is starting to rebuild it self. So in the meanwhile it created a temporary psyche that's what you are now."

"Doctor, No offense but what the hell do you mean?" I asked blatantly.

"Sorry, What I mean is…that you might start to remember who you are, Shuichi. But Shu might be erased from your brain. You will not have any recollection of Shu or what happen after the Car accident and revert back to your past self." Doctor said.

"Oh, well that's good…isn't it?" I questioned. My heart sank as I heard that my current self will be forgotten. What does that mean? Will it seem like I, Shu, never existed? What would Yuki think?

"Well…it is but there is also the chance that you will not regain your past self and also…" Doctor hesitated.

"…and also what?" Shu asked.

":Sigh:… Your brain is rebuilding itself, repairing the hemorrhaged tissue with that said it will rebuild itself entirely and you will start to loose all of your memory. It's like how a computer reformats itself…slowly one byte at a time…and by time you will totally loose all your memory. And if it gets worst to the point that your brain goes into atrophy than…you can die." The doctor took a deep breathe and revert his eyes back to his clipboard pretending to be intrigued with what's on the piece of paper.

"What…what are you saying…that I might loose my memory…and die also?" I uttered feeling my noses flare and my eyes swelling.

"But... but that can't be…I have to remember…I need to remember…how…how can this happen?…I don't understand." I babbled out. Thinking about the worst…thinking about loosing the only thing that I care for so much, Yuki.

"I can prescribe some medicine that either will slow down the process or have no affect at all." The doctor said.

"Can… Can I have surgery? There's a way to fix it right?" I pleaded, feeling the tears finally unleashing onto my face and my nose runny.

"I'm sorry…that sort of brain surgery even if I send you to the best brain surgeon there is only a 15 percent chance it will be successful." The Doctor replied and continued, "Well, I'm going to write up the prescription right now so if you will excuse me." With that he left and closed the door quietly.

I quickly dried my eyes and runny nose, and thought of happy thoughts. Two minutes later the door opened and a golden hair man came in with two foam cups. He pulled a chair up to my bed and handed me a cup. I looked down and saw that it was hot Coca. I looked up and smiled and took a sip.

"Thanks Yuki." I said still smiling and sipping the warm drink. He just smirked and stared at me. _Oh no…did he find out? Did the doctor tell him?..._Thoughts were rushing through my head like wildfire. I started to get worried; I don't want Yuki to know. That would devastate him.

"So why were you crying about you big baby?" He asked

"What I wasn't I just had something in my eye." I replied back sipping at the cocoa.

"Hmm…well whatever happens now or whatever happens in the future as long as you and I have faith we can overcome it even if it means letting go." Yuki whispered to me. He was looking down and his hair covered the top part his face. I didn't know if he has his eyes closed or he was crying or what… Yuki reached over to me and placed his hand on my face.

His hands were cold. He brushed my face seemingly liking to rub my face.

"You're warm…" He muttered looking up into my eyes.

His cool yellow eyes were soft and direct. My eyes started to water up again. I quickly urged myself to stop crying, I don't want Yuki to speculate anything is wrong if he didn't know! But soon Yuki put his arms around me and the hospital room disappeared. All I saw was the dim outline of his shirt and body and all I can smell is his scent. The aroma triggered something in me and I couldn't hold it in anymore. Soon I found myself crying so hard that my tear duct isn't producing enough tear to match the pain inside of me.

Yuki held me closer to him I felt the warmth of his Body and arms all over me. I felt time stopped and everything with around us stopped I couldn't hear a thing see any light. It was just the two of us on the bed together. Sitting…waiting…for hope. And outside It slowly started to rain.

_Yuki…there's an eraser in my head…Soon this moment and the many others I shared with you… that Shuichi had with you will be nonexistent. So today until then, I will try hard to make you happy and to remember you…and to love you…only you._


End file.
